Dark.

I've been pretty much OK for most of the summer. But now we are entering the dark period. 

I have no desire to decorate for Halloween or for Fall. I don't care. It gets dark. 

Dark.

I did decorate last year and then took it all down before Halloween. I won't try to be normal this year and do that. If I don't feel like doing decorations, I won't. Christmas Decorations are still up in the air and I'm not thinking that far in advance.

The days are shorter and dark comes too early. I don't feel like wandering about at night right now. I intend to do something productive after supper but I find myself going to sit on the loveseat and eventually turn something on to keep me occupied.

I won't lie. Darkness brings loneliness. Although I have to admit, I don't feel lonely if we are out in the woods camping. Now that just sounds silly.

If anything. I am more isolated in our forest than in the house. But there are no electronics [yes, I have my phone in case of emergency]. I have a campfire which in itself feels more comforting than any smart tv or blabbering of some stupid show. I can turn on my book light and read when we retire into the tent.

It feels less.

Lonely.

Maybe because I am watching the moon while sitting on a stump of wood, or listening to the coyotes sing in the distance or hear a deer whistle not far off. 

Other nights though are sort of bleh. In the house I feel painfully aware of how alone I feel. Even when Rich wasn't too active, we'd sit on the couch together and I'd find something he liked to watch while I read a book and pet Charlie.

I had him next to me, his presence was there along with the noise of his concentrator.

Now?

It is dead silence. I need to fill the silence with music or blathering on the TV. The dogs are a comfort, they cuddle and sometimes Charlie snores. They are bodies next to mine. But they are not him.