No one forgets the day they have been diagnosed with Cancer. Cancer with a capital letter as if it is so important.
Yet it is.
It changes many things that simple ugly word.
March 13th, 2015. Friday the 13th my husband went to the VA hospital in Madison to an ENT check up for a lump on his throat and some sinus issues.
They did a CT scan. The ENT people then did a biopsy. They told him it was cancer but didn't know more than that. The biopsy had to go to Pathology.
He pulled in the driveway. I'd stayed at home to do chores after all this whole appointment was pretty routine right?
He parked the car.
He walked slowly towards me.
He shook his head slowly. "Cancer. They said I have cancer."
The sun was warm, it was pleasant. I could hear the birds singing.
No, the birds should be falling out of the sky and the clouds should rush in with a huge thunderclap and lightening.
But it didn't. I felt shock go through my body. And I had no words to say of comfort to my husband. I couldn't think of a thing. So I took his hand.
It was the 'C' word. That awful dreadful C word. The word that nightmares and horror stories were made of. Those stories that showed children with no hair, people with hollow eyes, thin, sick, ...but people out there and not the person in front of me.
When the diagnosis comes like that, imagination flies and goes wild.
And it doesn't get better because suddenly we were immersed in trying to figure out what this Cancer was. Of course no one knew. One of the ENT doctors assured him that he'd call as soon as they got the Pathology Report back.
So began days of waiting that felt like weeks. A Cancer with no name. We felt as though we were in emotional limbo and we went through our daily lives like living Zombies. I wasn't sure what to say to comfort my husband and he wasn't sure he wanted comforting.
And so the Journey began.