It doesn't quite end until...

 ...the Fat Lady Sings.

No pictures. 

But we had the not-funeral funeral-celebration of Life.

It was comforting and really quite nice. One of Rich's hunting buddies from 25 years ago came up to me and held my hand as he re-introduced himself. 

I recalled him and the hunting dog he sold Rich that ended up being my dog. Tom. Tom was the name of the hound. 

Gary held my hand and we relived our hunting days and how much we enjoyed being out at night and listening to the hounds sing their treeing songs. If you ever saw the movie Where the Red Fern Grows, that was us. Hunting and loving our hounds.

The photos that went across the big screen kept a lot of folks entranced. I took so many photos of Rich over the years, what can I say, he was a great model.

Surprising that friends from Missouri came with their kids. I nearly lost it then. A girlfriend that I'd befriended in 6th grade came too. That blew my mind too. I felt the love and friendship with Rich's pals and my friends that came. It was comforting and just what I needed. 

I knew he meant something to a lot of people even if he never thought he did.

Steve, our good pal was there too. He and Dennis [my grandson via my stepdaughter] went off to talk fishing. Steve invited Dennis to go fishing with him next weekend on a special float on the Mississippi. I'm tickled as Rich always wanted to mentor Dennis in the ways of fishing and hunting. Now Steve, who is still reeling from Rich's death has found a way to pass on his knowledge to yet another generation.

How lucky can a grandma get? Dennis will come next Friday evening and then spend time with Steve learning and fishing.

After the cemetery, Ariel and Dennis came to the farm to spend time with me. They didn't travel with their parents so thought they'd come and just hang out  with me. They helped me move some old stuff out of the house and then asked if they could take me to supper. Their treat!

How on earth did I get this lucky to have grandkids that are so thoughtful?

My life going forward, will be held up to events like these and I'll realize that yes, Rich and I had something special and we passed it on to our grands [I hope].

I'll take it, one day at a time and keep recalling all of the joy my husband has given me.

One last note on family. Rich has a daughter and a very self centered sister. One of the relatives who happens to like me very much as I used to take her out to lunch once a month came up and whispered in my ear as she hugged me.

"Watch your back. If they don't get what they want they said there will be War."

Her eyes slid over to my stepdaughter and her husband as she stepped back. 

And dearly beloved, I have no idea what that is supposed to even mean.

The story of Rich's time may have passed but it seems another story will unfold.

Hopefully, those that said that were blowing off steam or have no idea how the laws work for married couples. [Especially married couples who went to attorneys to make sure everything was in place in our estate.] One of the very reasons these days in a blended family to make future plans and write up a rock solid Estate Plan.

War, indeed. Bring it on. Apparently the step thinks I'm sitting on her husband's retirement goldmine and it should be theirs. 

A good visit [s]

I got a text from Ariel that said she was coming by herself on Saturday to see her Grandpa. I made note of that. It is a 3 hour drive for her. Her mom and husband went home on Thursday after we'd moved the bed and she'd seen her father sitting in the wheelchair with the nurse.

I wasn't terribly surprised. Ariel has gotten a pretty independent streak after moving out of her parents home. I had to laugh when Ariel said she was coming by herself to see her Grandpa as she said her mom was too full of drama. Her mom has a vehicle too and she knows how to get to our house and she lives closer.

Ariel just wanted to quietly sit with her Grandpa.

 

Steve came. He is so reliable right now that Charlie waits sitting on his chair listening for the sound of Steve's car engine.

Nurse Scott and I went over our meds once more as he talked a bit with Rich. The night/evening agitation was getting stronger. The meds are looked at daily and adjusted to what is going on. 

Rich perked up when he saw Steve arrive once more. Steve chatted to him then sat quietly with him after Nurse Scott left. 

Ariel arrived and Steve headed out with the promise of coming tomorrow. I can see that this is very hard on him.

Rich grinned from ear to ear when Ariel asked if she could lean over the bed and and give him a hug.

The afternoon wore on and we had a few more restless episodes where he tried to get out of bed and pull out that annoying catheter. He didn't know what it was each of those times.

When the Chaplain Lisa arrived he was pretty quiet and was resting. Suddenly he asked for a Pepsi and I said I'd grab him one.
When I went around the corner to get one, he grabbed the mattress and struggled. The Chaplain moved quickly and supported him so he wouldn't fall.

We got him set up safely. He downed half a small bottle of Pepsi quickly and then started to go into respiratory distress.

I was aware of Ariel behind me and the Chaplain sitting and supporting Rich on the bed while I knelt in front of him and helped him do pursed lip breathing while I watched the 02 meter start climbing from some alarming numbers. I yanked out the Nebulizer and helped ease his breathing more.

Once stabilized, he was exhausted.

Above and beyond her call of duty, Chaplain Lisa stayed to help me settle him back in bed and we used a folded sheet to move him into a comfortable position.

The rest of the day and night, Rich started talking rather loudly and with animated hands. Most of the words weren't understandable, but sometimes they were. He laughed a lot. 

He was asleep while he was doing this.

I had to check every half hour as he was pulling off his 02 hose and wrapping it around his hands and fidgeting with it while he was asleep.
I finally grabbed a fresh new hose and put it in his hands to hold.
He is still holding it this morning.

Note. Side rails are such wonderful gifts on a bed.

If anyone considers Home Hospice, I would recommend it. At least consider that in the final days [at least with us] a nurse comes every day. It is not a 5 minute visit. The nurse spends time with the patient observing and asking questions. The nurse calls the attending doctor and updates them to see what can be done for more comfort or what needs have to be met. 

Rich is treated with the utmost respect and included in anything he may understand. 

Family participation is recommended to give the primary Careperson a chance to rest or perhaps even take a shower.

My personal opinion is that even though there are a lot of rough patches and angst along with times you want to just give up, it is the last loving act you can give to a loved one. I won't lie, it consumes your heart and soul, but leaving him in the hands of strangers in an ICU with cold beeping machines or in a nursing home with other strangers just doesn't feel quite right.

Home Hospice cares for the dying patient as well as trying to support the family and Caregiver[s] as much as possible.

And yes, there were several times I have wanted to throw up my hands and quit. But I cannot do that to my soulmate.

I wouldn't trade this past summer for the world. From March when he was released from the hospital until now, we've had a 'good' ride.