Hello 2026.
Something odd has happened.
I'm trying to distract me from myself.
IF I hike every Single Day for a good distance, I am too tired to miss you. Well, sort of. That is, until the lights go out and I am trying to go to sleep.
Or in the evening when I am trying to distract myself with photography.
IF I am not busy, I might start grieving. I thought I had all of that settled.
Apparently not.
Grief.
You keep barging in when I am not ready for you. Stop it.
Just when I am doing fine someone comes up to me in the bank or in the store and puts their hand on me and looks sorrowfully into my face.
And they ask in that husky drawn out breathless way... "Oh...howww are youuuuu doing?" Do I bitch slap them and say, "I was doing fine until you asked and I had to think about it?"
Otherwise people are ignoring that subject now anyway. After all, 4 months have passed, but who is counting?
I am. Because I keep turning around while doing something and start to ask you out loud what your opinion is on something. Then I ask anyway and listen to you talk inside my head or...at least what I imagine your answer would be.
How about the icky creepy neighbor who stopped me in a parking lot. He asked if I had a 7 or 8 foot brush hog to sell? Maybe the vulture in him waited an appropriate time before he started to ask about me selling stuff.
I had been working with someone else on two things. I hadn't given any of the old equipment sitting in the weeds a second thought. I figured those items would go when I settled on having an auction or two.
I got the false smile and the sad look at the same time. He said he'd call and come to take a look at what I had. Here the creepy neighbor was offering to stop by and look over things. His demeanor sent chills up my spine.
I waved him off with no answer. I didn't intend to be impolite, but I also didn't expect to be approached in a freezing cold parking lot. I should have said he could wait for the auction announcement.
Except I haven't settled on that yet. I'm not brave enough quite yet to call around to auction companies.
Disappearing your 'stuff' would make things final.
I'm still working up to that step darling. It's a big one.
Not that I am there yet, thank goodness, but I think of how it might feel to part with clothes, things that meant a lot to one’s spouse.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I did make a deal to part with two large items yesterday, however, those items are going to a good friend and neighbor. Funny how I said I was happy those things were going to a good home.
DeleteI'll post about that soon on the other site.
Thanks, I kept some clothes of his because I cannot bear to part with them.
It's one of the hardest things to do. I started getting a lot of unsolicited low ball offers on my rental property. Like I couldn't manage my home plus the rental I've always solo owned and managed.
ReplyDeleteThe clothes are so difficult. I kept a couple of items for years after I'd donated most of his things to an immigrant charity.
Yes, grief is a trickster, suddenly catching you.
Yes, there are vultures waiting in the wings as if they are thinking that 'she is a dumb grieving widow' what can I get?
DeleteAnother blog friend in the same situation decided year one is titled "Give yourself Grace". You have the grace to do things in your own time, grieve in your own way, and take your time to decide how you want to do things. You don't ever have to stop asking his opinion. I have faith Rick will send you the answer.
ReplyDeletethanks!
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