4 months

Hello 2026.

Something odd has happened. 

I'm trying to distract me from myself.

IF I hike every Single Day for a good distance, I am too tired to miss you. Well, sort of. That is, until the lights go out and I am trying to go to sleep.

Or in the evening when I am trying to distract myself with photography. 

IF I am not busy, I might start grieving. I thought I had all of that settled. 

Apparently not. 

Grief. 

You keep barging in when I am not ready for you. Stop it.

Just when I am doing fine someone comes up to me in the bank or in the store and puts their hand on me and looks sorrowfully into my face.

And they ask in that husky drawn out breathless way... "Oh...howww are youuuuu doing?" Do I bitch slap them and say, "I was doing fine until you asked and I had to think about it?"

Otherwise people are ignoring that subject now anyway. After all, 4 months have passed, but who is counting? 

I am. Because I keep turning around while doing something and start to ask you out loud what your opinion is on something. Then I ask anyway and listen to you talk inside my head or...at least what I imagine your answer would be.

How about the icky creepy neighbor who stopped me in a parking lot. He asked if I had a 7 or 8 foot brush hog to sell? Maybe the vulture in him waited an appropriate time before he started to ask about me selling stuff. 

I had been working with someone else on two things. I hadn't given any of the old equipment sitting in the weeds a second thought. I figured those items would go when I settled on having an auction or two.

I got the false smile and the sad look at the same time. He said he'd call and come to take a look at what I had. Here the creepy neighbor was offering to stop by and look over things. His demeanor sent chills up my spine.

I waved him off with no answer. I didn't intend to be impolite, but I also didn't expect to be approached in a freezing cold parking lot. I should have said he could wait for the auction announcement.

Except I haven't settled on that yet. I'm not brave enough quite yet to call around to auction companies.  

Disappearing your 'stuff' would make things final. 

I'm still working up to that step darling. It's a big one.