Paradox of Hospice

So our  plan is one of no pain and a lot of comfort and time spent together. 

I'm a pragmatic person. When Doris [another Hospice nurse] visited this past week she had some incredible advice and pointers. She has been a Hospice nurse for 30+ years. She is full of cheer which seems odd in her profession. 

Her advice. 
Visitors should be one at a time and only those who actually matter to you. If someone you don't really care for wants to visit...don't be polite, just say no.
If you have things you wish to do, do it if you are able. 

Watch the birds, enjoy your mules. Sit on the porch and drink coffee.

We are going to attempt--- with some help, a last fishing trip for hubby. One of Rich's lifelong friends is going to help us. He will provide the equipment, the car ride and the poles. He will even bait the hook for hubby.

We are getting a hospital bed for hubby on Tuesday. He will be able to elevate his legs to reduce the edema he is suffering from. Since he is unable to walk much fluids do build up in his legs. 
I've become and expert at putting his compression socks on.

One of the most important things we did this week was go to the cemetery where his folks and other family members are buried. It was quite the production just to get him in the Subaru for the ride, but we did it...one slow step at a time.

He wasn't able to get out at the cemetery to visit his parents' grave, but I was able to pull up close to the fence so he could watch me take care of the flowers.

He got confused as he said "No one has a flag for me out there."

I pointed out that he was still alive and he shrugged and said, "Oh yeah, I guess I am."

I put out the flowers and as is tradition, put a pouch of Grizzly Wintergreen Tobacco in the ground in his father's spot. 

Me: Do you miss your dad?
Him: Yes. A lot, every day. He was my best friend. OH no! I forgot to bring him chew!"
Me: I brought some and took care of it.
Him [he teared up]: Thanks sweetie. I just miss him so much.

We sat for a while and I pulled the car up where he could see his Great grandparents and Grandparents stones. He was pretty quiet. 
The cemetery is located on a road called Old Buzzard Lane. To get to the cemetery one has to drive through a dairy farm with cattle and round bales on both sides of the road. We waved to the farmer.

Rich had me drive the backroads to the cemetery and then gave me directions [I pretend I don't know the way so he can guide me] to drive another way home. He pointed out the different farms members of his family had on the way. 

So what is the Paradox? Before Rich entered Hospice we rarely had any visitors. Once the 'word' got around we started getting calls for visits. 

We pick and choose and set the rules. Only those who are very important visit. The looky-loos are turned away. 

Good neighbors text and drop by for a wee bit. The visits are nice. We set most visits at about an hour. But Rich enjoys them so much.

His Home Aide brings so much joy when she comes. His face lights up when she arrives. 

This week his regular nurse drove his classic muscle car on his rounds. It was a 1970's Chevy Nova SS which sparkled and growled.  Rich was beside himself. He offered to trade off our car for the Nova. 

So does this Paradox work? Rich is happier now that he is in Hospice than he has been in 10 years. He smiles more, chats more [still has aphasia which makes conversations more fun] and seems to have more light in his eyes when people come.

Hospice is often mistaken for a horrible time of life for many and eventually it is as the patient is expected to expire. 

However, being pain-free and comfortable and ... the extra care from the Social worker, Chaplain, Nurses, and Home Aides has improved his quality of life for the time he is still here.

No, it isn't a cake walk with love bubbles floating about in the air, but we are making our time together count as we have throughout our marriage and time together.

Oddly enough, his daughter has visited once in April. She called once this month to talk to him. I don't quite know how to take it. Rich just says that she is "Too Busy". I guess I'll take that as an answer.