911 where is your emergency?

I gave him my address which appeared on his call board as I called from our landline.

"What is the nature of your emergency?"

My husband, difficulty breathing, he has severe COPD and contracted a cold.

We went through his name, age, and a quick medical background. Then assured me that help had been dispatched and an AED was on the way.

I'd put Charlie in the bedroom upstairs, moved things around for the medics to make getting through the house with a stretcher easier.

The dispatcher asked that I put any pets in another room. Done, I told him, and I said I had to move my vehicle to make parking easier for the rig. 

Done, done, done....

The first vehicle to show up was a Sheriff's Deputy. A text from Olive on the ridge said that her husband had run out to the road to make sure they could find our address. [I'd texted her to let her know why she'd see emergency vehicles coming down the road with lights on]

Next came the the Fire Department Suburban.

I thanked my lucky stars that we didn't just have a snowstorm. 

The amazing part is that in this rural part of Wisconsin emergency services are quick, polite, and well prepared. A few times the head Paramedic asked me if his DNR bracelet was still in his wishes. I said that he stood by them and so did I. 

We drew the best ER doctor we could possible get. His father was a well loved doctor here for decades. Little Mac moved to the area several years ago to be with his father as he retired, leaving the Chicago Cook County ED. If you have ever been to Cook County ED, you know it is one of the biggest mad houses in the universe.

When Rich's fingers began to turn blue when I was talking with the ER nurse, things got hectic. Little Mac rushed in, the upped the 02 in the cannula, a respiratory therapist left to get a specialized mask. I stepped out of the way. I watched his body jerk and his eyes close as he struggled for air.

The specialized mask was put over his face and head. It is often used in ICU's and is the predecessor to being intubated and put on a ventilator. Again Little Mac asked if the DNR was indeed what Rich wished. I said yes. 

It took some time for them to get him stabilized. The respiratory therapists proved their mettle as they worked with the Nebulizers, the mask, and cared for him.

Once he was in stable but critical condition we discussed what next. Little Mac didn't feel he was stable enough to go quite yet to a larger hospital. He'd need special care with that portable ventilator.

To the doc's credit, he was able to communicate this to Rich. Rich asked to stay here locally. Little Mac said he'd have to come off the specialized mask. They spoke quietly about his wishes.

Little Mac went over it more than once. 

"Let me be perfectly clear, you want no life saving measures if you have another episode." He looked at Rich who nodded and breathed out. "Yes."

Little Mac looked at me.

"Yes, his wishes are my wishes. I stand by him."

~~~

So how does this feel? 
It makes your heart race, your chest hurt and your soul cringe.

While his daughter was still at the hospital I went to work out at the gym with my Fellow Legends.
Burning off the interior feelings of helplessness, rage, fear, and anxiety really helped. 63 burpees along with 63 dumbbell lifts, and 180 feet of lunges helped chill me down.

I was able to go back to the hospital and face the new attending doctor along with her questions. So this morning I'll bring in his Living Will along with his DNR papers so they can have it for their files.

I stayed all day and read a book while he rested and read a book. The library is providing good reading while I tend my soulmate.

I am weary but determined.