It's okay not to know...

 

...what to say.

No one really knows the proper words to say when someone we love approaches death. It may be harder if that passing was unexpected.

It's okay to say whatever comes to your mind because that is how we humans work.

At this time, all I am is tired and wishing that I had a huge family that would come and take over for a wee bit. I'm not knocking anyone, just realizing I'm not a super nurse. 

My grandson Dennis stayed with me over the weekend and he was pretty helpful in a couple of instances. The poor young man was shook to his core by what was going on but he helped as asked.

I woke Dennis up much later and took him outside to sit on the porch. We marveled at the stars and the Milky Way. He kept commenting on how many stars he could see. I could hear the awe in his voice even though I couldn't see his face. 

It was a gift I could give him for helping so much.

In the morning, I got him up early so he could see the deer wandering through the meadow in front of the house. Then I had him watch the old oak tree so he could see the magical light in the fog .

Dennis asked me why I wasn't crying. I told him I saved it for later right now I had a very important job to get done.  That did not mean I wasn't sad. I was, but I needed to save it for a bit and hold it all together.

I needed to make sure that his Grandpa had what he wanted and needed. Plus, this was what his Grandfather wanted. 

To be home, not to be surrounded by beeping machines and nurses.

And of course, his silly little dog.

Monday morning while hubby was sleeping, I took Dennis to the  edge of the meadow where he could witness one more amazing thing that Mother Nature did.

Orb Weavers.

Thousands of them.

He was fascinated. Thankfully not fearful of an insect that gets such a bad rap. 

We watched four does walk across the back of our meadow and then went back inside for coffee.

For now, we'll see someone from Hospice each day as his meds will change with each day. There is a lot to keep straight and do for him. 

Dennis learned to appreciate what love and care really meant. He got to appreciate nature too.

As a bonus Steve stopped by to check in. While the nurse was with me, Steve and Dennis talked about fishing and hunting. Rods, Reels, Bait, Rifles, Ammo, and methods. 

I saw Dennis really take to Steve as Dennis's own father has no interest in anything of the sort.

I sort of wondered if Dennis had found a mentor and how ironic that it had been that Rich had been a mentor to Steve's son around the same age.

I nodded to myself that in the midst of chaos of an upcoming death that two people generations apart found a common ground. And I thought. This is good. This was meant to happen like this.

And I am okay with it.