Elder Care

I thought I'd toss this in here as I really don't want it on my regular blog.

On the first weekend of March my mother in law who turned 87 on the 12th fell in her apartment and couldn't get up.
Rich's daughter and son in law found her on the floor.

She didn't want to go to the hospital but the EMT's did convince her to go.

She has severe edema in her legs and feet. Since Christmas, I've been trying to get her to go to her doctor and address those issues. MIL wasn't receptive to going to her physician or any doctor. She figured that she'd be just fine.

After nearly 20 days in rehab at the local nursing home, she is walking with a walker and moving about quite well. The edema has not gone away. In stage IV of chronic kidney disease, I don't think it will. PT and OT have improved her mobility and strength. We got her some special shoes/slippers for people with swollen feet. She hasn't been able to wear regular shoes since December.

We've discovered that MIL has some memory issues. The nursing staff is attributing that as to the reason she probably fell. MIL had a system for taking her meds but the general consensus is that her memory failed her and perhaps mixed up her medications.
She hadn't been eating regular meals, picking up after herself, or bathing either. I was desperate before the fall. She needed care and refused to get it. Or..simply forgot.

Here is the twist. There is no way of forcing someone to get medical care. However once she was admitted, two doctors invoked her POA of Healthcare. That meant she was not capable of making medical decisions on her own behalf.

It also threw in another terrible twist. She had never set up a POA for her financial matters.
If Rich had not been on her checking and savings account, her bills could have gone unpaid.
There are limitations.
Since MIL had not been taking care of her debts and some odd trends in spending for months...with no POA for Finances, we are helpless to take care of those things.
Once she returns home, if she is deemed no longer in need of a POA, she can do as she wishes.
She can not go to her appointments, she can choose not to pay her bills, and she can choose not to ask for assistance.

Legally? There is very little we can do to assist her without her approval.

The laws were set up to protect the elderly and I get that. I want to afford her all the dignity she needs. But.
I am at a huge loss as...a daughter in law as to how to assist her.

The nursing home is setting up an alarmed medication box for her to take her meds properly. MIL is resisting that saying she can take them just fine.

I hope that the med box works out and we can convince MIL to use it. I hope we can convince her to continue to exercise once she gets home too.

This is my first experience with caring for an elderly parent. What an incredible maze of paperwork, forms, and legal restrictions to jump through!