No one likes this part...

Well, we were are still hanging on together.

This morning I realized that I didn't have a clue what I should do after the funeral home picks him up when he is gone.

We'd talked about what he wanted, we discussed things, but he basically said he didn't care for a big Gig.

Being the Stepmother, I want to get things right. No, it was not planned ahead, he didn't want that. Oddly enough, I'm the planner of most all things. This was in the back of my mind saying "Later, I'll deal with that Later." 

I decided Later Better Be Now.

First things first. I opened up the funeral home's website and started researching information.

The funeral home had very informative website.

I was stumped at the obituary. I mean, what should I even think of writing up?

His could be short and sweet truthfully. His parents are gone, his sister in Utah is alive, and he has a daughter and many grands. Simple right? Meh. 

If someone knows him, they will know all the other important stuff.

Rich's daughter had texted me yesterday evening to come out for the day. I decided to get her in on the 'action' so to speak. 

Maybe I surprised her a bit. We went over some details of what an Obit was and how to write it. Being ME, I decided to follow a suggested outline but not go into the depths that I've seen so many times.

I suggested something quite funny and she laughed a very wonderful and true laugh. I've decided to include that 'funny' in his obit.

I told her what I'd decided as far as burial vs. cremation. I also discussed having a memorial type thing at the funeral home or something like a celebration of life but very informal. I felt like I needed to give those who knew Rich a chance to gather and exchange their favorite stories about him in a comfortable setting.

I wanted her to be involved, after all, she is his daughter. So I gave her a thumb drive with photos I've collected from our time together. I asked her sort through and decided what we could put together for the funeral home. They offer a large screen that would display photos in a video format.

She asked about flowers as her dad was not a flower guy. I laughed and said he'd love two bouquets that the mules could eat. I got a quizzical look. I reminded her that the bouquet at our wedding was just that. Wildflowers with oat, barley, and straw. Fit for an equine dining experience. She laughed, she remembered it because one of the mules tried to eat the bouquet out of her hands.

I asked her if she would speak about her father and she quickly said no. It could be uncomfortable, I knew, so I didn't press.

I said I'd prepared something.

She asked about a Pastor to speak for him. 

"Your dad does not want that. He didn't want religion involved at all. No prayers, no mention of god." She looked at me quizzically.

"Your father unequivocally felt that if there was a God, he would not have let him suffer through the things he had to do in Vietnam. Many things he was ordered to do went against his moral judgement and soul."

We talked about the graveside thing. I'm not sure what it is really called. I said I'd talk to the funeral dudes [I know not the right wording?] 
I think I'll ask about playing Taps at the gravesite.

He did serve with honor even if it tore him up. 

The only thing wrong with those hospital beds is that I can't slide in next to him and hold him in my arms. If I had designed beds like this for home use. I'd make that possible.

His daughter was hesitant when she saw her father who is now unresponsive. He will grunt a bit when given a hug. That is a response.

I showed her how to lay her chest on her Dad's and softly hug him. I left her to it. 

I often go in and bend over the bed and lay my head on his chest to listen to his heart and his breathing. As a couple we always slept close to each other wrapped in each others arms. 

The nurse came to visit today and we stood with Rich for a while. He is not in pain and seems so at peace right now. He looked at me and said, "I honestly did not think I'd be making this visit today."

I nodded to him and said, "I thought so too overnight. He keeps making small rallies after dips."

He picked up Rich's hand and held it before he left. "I'll see you brother, take care."

[Nurse Jason is ex military also]

Thankfully I had Rich's daughter to myself during the day and we settled on some things that needed to be done and we didn't have to talk under the watchful eyes of her husband.

She left after a few hours and Steve came by to check on Rich. Steve said he didn't sleep much last night as he was so worried about Rich. 

Charlie kept us all grounded with his tail wagging and lap sitting.

One more day.

Not a good start to a weekend...

This new territory of Hospice and medications is a new experience for me that I'd like to share with other folks so they can understand what to expect if they are to choose this path.

First off. Thursday night was one of 'those' nights. Rich had trouble sleeping and would wake up and sit on the edge of the bed for a hour or so at a time with his CPAP on. Sometimes he'd turn the light on and sometimes he wouldn't. 

I'd hear it and get up to check on him. He said. "I'm fine. Just can't sleep."

Finally at 3:30 he was up once more and called my name. I drug myself out of bed and answered the 'call'.

By 4 we were having coffee and as I was making a cup for myself. He suddenly called for a bucket as he was having the heaves. He had a bit of nausea that eventually passed and I made him his breakfast by 5ish.

By 6 he was ready to go back to bed, which he did for an hour and then was awake again. 

The new medication that replaced Prednisone was dexamethasone which helps him breath much better but has nausea and insomnia as some of the side effects. IF anyone is going to have side effects, it is my husband. 

A good side effect was getting his appetite back. 

That passed and by the time I made CrossFit and picked up a few things in town, I'd already put in an 8 hour day. 

Late Friday night, Charlie woke me up by standing on my chest. I told him to go back to sleep. Then ick. I heard the retching. The poor thing, poor me. By 3am Charlie finally settled down after being ill quite a few times.

This morning he is refusing to eat so I'm going to make some cooked rice for him. -- He has had water.

My other half got up complaining of a tummy ache and feeling off. Now hubby takes some pretty powerful opiods to ease the pain of breathing [I cannot imagine since it is no effort for me]. 

A side effect of these meds is...well. You know. Constipation. We have meds to counteract that side effect but once in a while when prunes and prune juice doesn't work.

Um. Other efforts must be done.

I won't go into detail. 

But let's just say that 'we worked things out'. 

We had a bit of a chuckle when we were all done. 

Now back to nursing Charlie. There are no small animal veterinarians available in our rural area on weekends. So I'll be working on him next and doing some cuddling with the little guy.

We never quite know where life is going to take us and I must say that my experiences with hubby, my MIL, FIL, and my father have proven invaluable. I've learned so much about elder care and caring.

Not a thing that happened to me this day was 'disgusting' or gross. As they say "Shit happens".

My one grand daughter was curious about these things. She said she wanted to learn about this process we call life and elder and end of life care so that it wouldn't be such a shock when she encounters it with her own folks.

She said her mom keeps getting shocked and surprised by the things she has to do for her great grandmother [96] and her mom [mostly blind]. 

Life is a process. I've had so many great years with my soul mate that I don't mind caring for him. It is a reflection of caring and love.

Sure, some days I feel it is a huge burden and I even get a bit tired of being 'on call' all of the time. I am going to call my social worker from the VA [if they still have jobs!] and set up a companionship day each week for hubby. 

It will give me a break one day a week for a few hours to go hiking and doing outdoor photography.

You all have a great weekend!

I see snow in our forecast for tomorrow after an 80 degree day yesterday!

Both patients seemed to be recovering. So now I am going to let my laundry fold itself while I get out a clean blanket and read a book until I fall asleep. Wait...does laundry fold itself???

Hubby and Charlie are snuggled in taking a nap. How sweet is that?